You are here: Home Misc. pages Jokes

smiley-smile Short humor break: cowboy joke

A cowboy, who just moved to Texas from Wyoming, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, “You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The cowboy replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Wyoming, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I’m drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

“Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains, “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist church and I had to quit drinking.” He paused. “Hasn’t affected my brothers though.”

 

smiley-laughing Medium humor break: comic strip:  Cat vs Internet

 

smiley-cool Long humor break: play line rider

 

Funny? Not funny? Always looking for new additions to humor breaks, so please This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.!

smiley-smile Short humor break: Joke: CEOs in a bar

Following an all day conference of brewers in Brussels, three CEOs went in to the bar for a drink.

The CEO of Beck’s ordered a Beck’s

The CEO of Anheuser-Busch ordered a Budweiser

The CEO of Guinness ordered a diet Coke with a slice of lemon.

When he saw the looks of astonishment on his partners’ faces he explained “If you guys aren’t drinking, I won’t either.”

 

smiley-laughing Medium humor break: Quiz:  Are your loved ones plotting to eat you?

 

smiley-cool Long humor break: Scamming scammers:  419 eater on handwriting analysis project

 

Funny? Not funny? Always looking for new additions to humor breaks, so please This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.!

smiley-smile Short humor break: student joke

 

A journalism professor is giving an exam.  At the end of the hour, he collects the students’ papers, except from one student who keeps working on his exam.  Repeatedly, the professor tells the student he must hand in his paper... Being ignored, the professor gives up, returns to his office, and puts the stack of students' exams on his desk...

An hour later, the student shows up to hand in his paper. The professor explains that he cannot take the paper because it would be unfair to the other students who only had one hour ...yada...yada...yada.

Student:  “Do you know who I am?”

Professor, not caring: “No, I don’t.”

The student quickly shoves his exam in the middle of the stack of exams, then runs out of the building!

 

 

smiley-laughing Medium humor break: 46 word plays:

 

If you are a Lexophile you'll love these.  A Lexophile is a person who loves words and word plays.

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine has fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine ...

25. When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

30. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

31. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

32. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

33. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

34. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

35. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

36. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

37. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

38. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

39. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

40. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

41. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

42. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

43. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

44. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

45. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

46. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

 

 

smiley-cool Long humor break: 8 Stupid Amazon Products With Impressively Sarcastic Reviews

 

Funny? Not funny? Always looking for new additions to humor breaks, so please This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.!

smiley-smile Short humor break: Philosophy professor joke

 

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board:

“Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.

One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the student who finished in one minute got an A.

The rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.

This is what he wrote:

“What chair?”

 

 

smiley-laughing Medium humor break: Accounting cartoon

 

smiley-cool Long humor break: Play sudoku

 

Funny? Not funny? Always looking for new additions to humor breaks, so please This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.!

smiley-laughing Short humor break: Husband and wife go to the doctor joke

 

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him."

"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly."

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

 

 

smiley-laughing Medium humor break: Rappin roller-skating babies video (1 minute)

 

smiley-cool Long humor break: Stockholm's decorated subway stations

 

Funny? Not funny? Always looking for new additions to humor breaks, so please This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.!

Become a smarter, richer accountant

in just 10 minutes when you read

The Thrifty Accountant Newsletter

When we run across something that will help you save money--or make your work easier, we put it in our monthly newsletter.

Sign up now, it's FREE!

Privacy Policy: We will never share your email address. Period. You are free to cancel at any time.